Since my last post, we've settled on a place for the wedding. We've nearly settled on a place for the reception. And we're not quite settled on a dress -- we want to get a look at the new fashions coming out. I'm actually happy to have the time to catch our breaths. As you know, this is a time of transition for me, "my baby" is getting married. Not a bad thing. Leah will always be the most important person on the planet for me. She has been from the moment I realized she was growing inside of me. But Nick's a nice young man and Leah is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. When I mentioned to her recently that it was time for her to either pay her share of the phone bill or get a cheaper phone and pay for it herself, she didn't complain and simply asked how much it was. She cheerfully agreed to pay her share.
That moment reminded me of a growing realization I've had. I'm beginning to exhale. Basically I've been waiting to exhale all these years, holding my breath hoping to get Leah to adulthood without something bad happening to her. Providing for her. Putting her needs always head of mine. Well, she's grown and making a life of her own with Nick. She's got a fiance; a new, better-paying job; and a new apartment. And she's just going to be who she's going to be, I have come to realize. My role as a parent-teacher is coming to an end.
Now I can finally exhale. Or start to breath anyway.
Who am I beyond being Leah's mom? That's who I've been for 24 years. I've been blessed to have a full life beyond Leah. I'm active at church. I have a lot of wonderful family and friends. I have an interesting and challenging job. I'm engaged with the world through my volunteering with nonprofits on behalf of children. I think having those things helped me adjust when Leah went off to Colgate University for four years. But who am I now?
So one of the moves I'm making to redefine myself, beyond being Leah's mom, is art. Yes, art. When I was a kid, a salesman for an art program came to our house. I had drawn -- a picture of a dog or a man or something like that -- in response to one of those ads in either TV Guide or Readers Digest. He was there to sell art lessons. We didn't buy the lessons but, later, I dabbled in art in high school. Was offered a small art scholarship to college but declined. I wanted to be a lawyer then. Lately I've been thinking about art again. Thinking about transforming Leah's old room into a studio. Someplace for me to come home to after a hard day's work and distract my mind.
Last Friday, two colleagues and I attended "Cocktails, Canvas And Crafts," a unique evening at a studio in Maplewood where we "shared a sip, a nibble and a lot of creativity." I painted dogwood branches based upon a photo Laura had shown me earlier in the week. (The theme of the evening was "It's Spring.") Loved it! The results of my three hours of labor are pictured above in case you were wondering about the painting above. I can't say it was exactly like riding a bicycle -- my old hands don't have the same delicate touch with the paintbrush. But, thanks to Annie, my teacher for the evening, I think I'll be going back.
To exhale a little bit at a time...don't want to hyperventilate.
No comments:
Post a Comment